Yesterday I was sitting on my front steps. I do that a lot in the mornings. I get up make some coffee, read and do the lesson then I take my coffee and sit on the steps. Then I come in, write my post, and go back out and sit on the steps. I can’t understand being inside a building when you don’t have to. I like being outside. The guy across the street says he “loves” being outside but he is never outside. I don’t get it. It is not only about getting it, it’s about not getting it also.
For about a week, maybe longer, a robin has landed about four feet in front of me. It just stands there and looks at me for a moment then it walks off slowly eating bugs as it goes. Now that I am writing about it I wonder if it is the same robin every morning or not. It hasn’t mattered before? See?
A couple of years ago I would have run into the house and searched for the reason this robin keeps coming to me every morning. I probably would have searched mysticism sites looking to attach some significance to this. Now I know it means nothing. But in knowing that it means nothing it means everything. See?
So I was just sitting there. I may have been looking at the butterfly in my hand but I don’t know. I could say that I wasn’t “here” but then you would want me to explain what that means and it doesn’t mean anything. The phone rang. I looked at the phone and it said “Ma calling.” I answered it and said, “Hi Ma.” (Profound, isn’t it?) She said, “Hi, I just wanted to see how things were going.” I said, “Everything is gone.” Then, as they call it in radio, there was dead air. I know that she wanted me to explain and that she wanted details. She would have loved a dissertation like that “thought form” thing I told you about. I just had nothing else to say. I had a dialogue in my mind. “She expects you to say something! But I have nothing to say. You can’t just sit here with the phone to your ear and not say anything. Why don’t you ask her how she is doing? I don’t have to. She sounds fine and I just know she is fine anyway.” So I said, “I am in the middle of something. Can I call you back?” Actually, I was in the middle of nothing but that would have warranted a long explanation. Something doesn’t need to be explained. We all know what that means. See?
So I thought, “You have to “gather” yourself and call her back because she will be sitting there waiting.” I didn’t understand what “gather” myself meant. I thought, “Get your shit together!” But I have no shit left to get together. It seems funny, doesn’t it?
I called her back and said, “How are you doing?” In an excited voice she said, “I’m feeling good. I was thinking that I will clean the bathroom and then go outside and sit in the sun for a little while. They say that sitting in the sun is good for you because it replenishes vitamins in your body. But don’t you go out, now, and sit in the sun without protection because that is bad.” I started cracking up. I mean gut busting! I couldn’t stop myself. She asked if I was laughing at her. I told her no and I knew that I had to change the conversation. I thought, “You should should her.” (Have you ever seen the word should used consecutively in the same sentence?) I really had nothing to say so I figured I would have to make stuff up. That’s not lying. We do it all the time. Just look around you.
I said, “I was just sitting here thinking about all of the things that I should do.” I could actually see her sit up straight and get excited. She loves thinking and planning. She even talks to herself, at times. She calls it thinking out loud. Then I said, “I really should clean my bathroom also and I should mow the lawn. But I thought that I should fix myself a nice big breakfast first.” That was the clincher. She said, “You’ve got a busy day ahead of you so I won’t keep you any longer. You take it easy.” I said, “I can’t help but to take it easy. Everything is easy.” She said, “No! Everything is hard.” I said, “Everything is exactly as you expect it to be and I expect it to be easy so it is.” She started to say something and I knew that I would start cracking up again so I said, “I love you Ma. Take it easy!”
The mailman handed me the mail and the first thing I saw was an advertising flyer. I read “What’s in the air that you breathe?” God! Does that mean that god is in those cancer causing carcinogenic particulates’? How can God not be in anything?
Last night I was sitting on my front steps. A neighbor came over and started talking about what must have meant something to him. He was standing in front of me in front of a tree. He started blending into the tree. Actually, into the leaves of the tree. When the wind blew he would move with the leaves of the tree. In college ………I won’t go there because that is personal history and it is gone.
So I was wondering. Suppose the tree was dead. I know it is dead just because I am seeing it dead. Can I change my mind and see it alive? It sounds logical doesn’t it? The answer is no because in order to do that I would have to give the contrast of life versus death significance. I would be seeing the content and I would be unable to do anything but see it as I thought it was. Then I would have to start back at lesson 1. Loose the content, loose the world.
Take it easy!
On second thought, just take the butterfly!
