Interesting lesson. I started a job. I am tempted to call it a “new job’ but that doesn’t seem to fit. I’ve never done this job before. People are asking me, “How is it?” “How can I possibly know?” The only other answer that I could give would involve assumptions based on past experience. Fruitless? You bet.
These lessons are perfect because I am searching my mind for preconceived notions about what I expect the job to be. Have you ever noticed that when someone starts a new job they burst into it with enthusiasm and at the beginning they tell you that it is great! “I am so happy! It couldn’t be better?” Think about that! We go into it with the expectation that it will be great. How can it not be? But we also add other expectations based on our past experiences. We actually create a vision of what this job will “look like.” We create a vision of things that will happen that will make this job fun. We define what good will look like in advance?????? We anticipate “happy” but we add conditions to it. How can I possibly know in advance? When the job doesn’t meet all of those expectations that I put on it in begins to suck. “It is not what I thought it would be!” Right?
It’s the same thing with relationships. I meet a woman. She seems perfect. So I envision her to have these qualities that I have come to expect perfection to be based on my past experiences. Then I actually expect her to possess all of these qualities. When she doesn’t “measure up” I get disappointed. Then I think that I can change her and make her into that perfect being that I came to expect. Then she starts throwing stuff at me because she sees me as a control freak.
True for everything? Of course. I define the future based on the past. Then I actually expect it to appear exactly as I envisioned it. When it doesn’t I can’t understand why it didn’t. Now, I could say, “Well, I used to be that way but I know better now.” But that statement just shows that I don’t. Did I merely create a vision of what knowing better would be?
See, I just notice it now.
I attended an ACIM group the other night. No shit! It was the first time that I ever met other people who were students of the Course. They actually look like regular people! I stumbled upon it on line. It was like an hour from my house but I knew immediately that I would attend. I just had to.
What do you think I noticed during the drive? My mind kept “slipping” into expectations of what I would experience when I got there. So I laughed all the way there. How could I possibly know? Had I allowed my mind to produce those expectations would I have had the great experience that I did have. Of course not! I would have, most likely, been disappointed.
They are a brand new group. I told them that I may not be able to continue going because of the distance and my new job situation. But, secretly, I figured I wouldn’t be able to help it. I would just have to go back. See, I am doing it again? Expecting something by trying not to expect anything. All I can really do is to notice it. Try it. Just the noticing part.
