Can I have an intellectual view of this lesson? Can I write about my thoughts on my thoughts meaning nothing? I may have, last year, now that I think about it! I’m laughing!
I recall being so attracted to those thoughts that seem to exist around me. I wanted to grab them and hold them. My thoughts are cool! Have you ever tired to grab smoke? Don’t lie.
So now I have this job thing. It is like I have entered an alien world. I’ve known that this world existed but I never went to it. Now I find myself “immersed” in it. I get this feeing that I cannot exist in this world doing things the way I have been. Really? I can actually feel the need to join in. I’ve been on “auto pilot” for a long time. I feel the need to take control. I am flooded with new thoughts, all around me. Alien thoughts. I feel the need to take control of them. I feel the need to organize them. I want them to make sense. Hmmm.
Someone asked me how I was doing. I said, “Can you catch attention deficit disorder?” I feel awash in thoughts that I don’t understand. It is really funny to look at. I can feel the feeling of disorder and confusion.
I’ve always viewed this new world as a world filled with self-importance. Can I survive in this world without it? It’s almost like a magnetic attraction drawing me in. I feel the pull. I also notice that there only seems to be two alternatives. I can immerse myself in this alien world with all of the experience and cunning that I have assumed existed in me or I can resist the attraction with the strength of what I used to view as my will.
I notice that I can’t decide which to choose. Actually, I notice that I keep fluctuating between the two. Is it possible to choose one over the other or can I only fluctuate between the two? I notice myself wondering which will result in peace. It seems like neither will. Fluctuating between the two will only make it worse. Right? I feel trapped. I have to choose. How did I allow myself to get drawn into this alien world? Shouldn’t I know better? Have I created, yet, another prison for myself?
I notice the feelings. I notice how strong they seem. Then I remember who is noticing.
January 10, 2009 at 12:54 pm |
I’m LOL too!
I think of all my brothers as I make my choice to see one world… only one can there be, no more no less.
God prepared eternity for me (my text says so) but I wondered how to get “in” it. While I am confused about the meaning of time, the holy spirit knows that it is meaningless- a learning device for now, AHA and that NOW does contain eternity, for it is the only place in time that possibly could be an entry point for it. So between time and eternity, old and new there can be only one world. One Source. One Love.
Peace and Love!
January 10, 2009 at 4:02 pm |
I’m sitting here wanting to respond, but I can’t.
I’m sitting in this big hot tub. I’m submerged up to my neck in hot, relaxing water. I’m at peace after my close brush with the job thing. Chuckle! I look across the hot tub and I see you sitting there in the water, up to your neck, exactly the same as I am but you look nervous, figity and preoccupied. I yell over to you, “Jeff, just relax. It’s awesome.” You yell back, “I want to. As soon as I figure out how to get into the hot tub.” How can I respond?
You can’t choose to see. You have just chosen not to. Is it that simple? You bet!
January 14, 2009 at 12:21 pm |
That’s hillarious. Cracks me up too.