February 10, 2009 God goes with me wherever I go.

It’s been a while. Why? I really don’t know. I could guess, but what would that prove? That I could guess. I read this mornings lesson and I immediately remembered what I wrote last year.

“I took God to the gym with me today. I didn’t mention it to anyone for obvious reasons. They would have taken him into a little room and tried to sign him up for a year. They would have wanted to attach his bank account like we haven’t tried to take enough from him as it is.”

Something like that?

I have been doing a lot of remembering lately. Carlos Castaneda wrote of recapitulation. He was taught that he had to remember. Remember past events and review. I assumed that he was speaking about changing his views of bad experiences that he had that had affected his life and I suppose that that is true, sort of. Kind of like psychoanalysis. But now I see it differently. I have been remembering times when I have experienced a “holy instant” only to describe the experience as something else. The something else would be a way to explain a feeling of oneness as experienced by a seemingly separate individual.

I spoke to a woman after the last ACIM group thing that I attended and she mentioned an experience of body levitation that she had recently experienced. She had been lying in bed when her whole body seemed to levitate off of the bed. She explained the experience and mentioned that she has tried to recreate that experience to no avail. I told her not to try and when it happened again to not try to explain it. Just experience it.

What else could I say?

So I have been remembering and rethinking these experiences that I have had of a glimpse of the truth. It is funny because I just over heard someone on TV saying that she had a time when she had to look at herself face to face. That’s it! Coming face to face with who or what you really are. It necessitates explaining is as something else. The need to feel separate and individual counters the vision of one.

So, in the case of this woman, she sees her oneness with everything and the reaction is to explain it as something that can only be explained in the world. It must be……this. We cannot possibly be everywhere and everything therefore the only explanation for this feeling must be……. I cannot be everywhere and everything. I have to be someone being somewhere seeing something. Therefore it manifests or projects as such.

I’ve been remembering all of these experiences that I have had and the explanations that I had given them to explain away the phenomenon of oneness. It is becoming clear that every experience is just a reaction to the vision of oneness. Only the perspective changes. Only the state of mind changes. So I can explain the vision of oneness as being sick. That must have been it. Right?

So there was only one “holy instant.” I keep reliving that one “holy instant” explaining it as something else because it can’t possibly be what it seemed to be. That is everything I experience. Simply a reaction to the truth. Which seems impossible only because I don’t want it to be true. So I react with anger at being called an asshole or I have an out of body experience. Same thing. You bet!