The Massachusetts Legislature just enacted a bill outlawing bullying in schools. Enacted means that, upon being signed by the governor, Monday morning, this piece of legislation becomes law. It seems very noble in light of all the cases of bullying that have been reported recently but is it a solution?
In order to simplify this discussion I am going to limit it to one perception, or misperception as that can be.
Section 1 of the bill requires the governor to issue a proclamation, each year, proclaiming the third Thursday of the year “no name calling day.” I must admit that I got quite a chuckle out of that when I first read it.
Let’s just concentrate on the name calling thing. Have I felt like a victim of name calling? Yes, by all means. For some reason, a long time ago, I decided that I didn’t like feeling like that. It also, at that time, seemed futile to think that I could prevent someone from calling me a name. Well, I can’t, but I can and it all is just a matter of perception.
What transpired was a long arduous trip into the nature of victimization or the thought process behind my belief that I can be victimized. This did not occur instantaneously but it grew over a number of years.
See, I realized that I actually had a choice in how I reacted to a person calling me a name. First I had to have defined that word, or phrase as “bad.” If I hadn’t defined that word or phrase as “bad” it had no effect.
Next I realized I had a choice in how I reacted. This realization took a while to develop. At first it came after the fact. After I had stopped freaking out over being called a name I would realize that I had indeed done that and I had an understanding that I really hadn’t needed to react the way I did. I could have changed my reaction but I didn’t because the reaction came too fast. So my next step was to learn how to catch myself in the process of reacting. Which I did over a period of time. The end result was that the need to feel bad vanished. When that happened I realized that I, alone, had the choice over whether I felt victimized or not. If I felt the need to feel victimized it was my choice. If I didn’t want to feel victimized it was my responsibility to change that, in me, within my thought process, not in that which I mistakenly believed was the cause, namely the name caller.
The same is actually true for everything that I feel here in the world but let’s keep this simple. You see, I still catch myself reacting but if there is a blame to be imposed for that reaction it lies solely in me and the correction has to be made there, in me and it really is not a blame it is an understanding of cause and effect. The cause is always me regardless of how it appears. I am getting better at it, whatever that means.
So I can, pretty much, be at peace regardless of what appears to be compelling me to be otherwise.
I have even have friends try to correct me. “That guy just called you an asshole. Doesn’t that piss you off?” “No.” Why not!?” “Because I choose not to be. I don’t like feeling pissed off so I choose not to feel pissed off.” I can choose piece over everything else.
Does it seem simple? It should.
What motivates a name caller? Why does he call me a name? He does it to piss me off. What would be his motivation if I didn’t get pissed off? See? Well, it doesn’t really matter because I wouldn’t notice it anyway.
By enacting a law to outlaw name calling, society is telling me that I should get pissed off when someone calls me a name. It is my right to be pissed off and if I don’t get pissed off my thinking is backwards. By doing that they are giving the name caller the power to victimize me, to make me feel like a victim.
Is this a cure or is it like dumping gasoline on a fire? Whose thinking is backwards? I’ll leave that up to you?
